….

Mondays and Gender Dysphoria don’t mix…:(

:)

I think, in the end, my mom will support me because when i tried to come out to her and at that point, she took being transgender as wanting to be the opposite sex, which is half the truth. A few moments after doing that , she came up behind me and implied no resistance from her, because she said she didn’t know who she was yet.

*smacks head*

I’m still sticking with that date no matter what but my question for myself is, why do i not have the confidence, especially when the media talks about Chaz Bono’s transitioning, to educate my mom on what Chaz and I have, transsexualism? I know in the end, all i can do is educate her and at the least, even if she still doesn’t get it by August, all i can do is survive until I can transition.

“Breaking Myself”

I’ve decided on August 1, 2009 that two things will happen. One is, on Myspace and Facebook, I am coming out Bisexual. Sometime that same day, I’ll be sending my mom an e-mail with two links to inform her as what being transgender is. Plus, I’ll be giving her a piece of paper that gives additional information on being TG/Ts. No Fear

Update

On April 24, as me, my mom and my older brother were going out for Mega Millions tickets, about a minute from leaving the house, my mom had a mild heart attack. We called 911 and within several minutes, paramedics came and took her to the hospital. Her heart nor her arteries were clogged at all but she needed an aortic valve replaced and got the open heart surgery about less then a week after. It’s now been a month since and she’s striving to get better everday. Just letting people who look here plus Kate know what’s going on.

Hi :/

The last month has been so busy and draining.  I’ll let whoever’s reading this what’s going on pretty soon.

My Music Today

Chris Cornell-Euphoria Morning
Stand Out Track/Favorite Track:Preaching The End Of The World
Why:It’s just always stood out to me, so much more then the rest of the album.
Xtra:Can’t Change Me(French Version),Sunshower
Both of those songs, contextually, are dramatically different from the rest of the album, which is why they also stand out.
Runners Up:The rest of the album
I got into this album over more then a decade ago so how I got into it is lost on me.  Chris Cornell has always had a remarkable voice.  This album here was strongly inspired by Jeff Buckley’s Grace album, even having a tribute song to him in Wave Goodbye.

My Music..

Jeff Buckley-Grace
Stand Out Track/Favorite Track:Last Goodbye
Why:As even the video shows, or maybe thats where I get the idea/visual from,one of the musicians in the band clearing out his eyes.  It reminds of that just waking up feeling I usually get from waking up fron naps that we take on Sunday after getting hom from the flea market.
Xtra:Forget Her
Very much inspired by the video as Last Goodbye was, a lot of the video seems to have a late night feel, as if it was centering on Jeff’s tiredness.  Very much a midnight song, even one that could be played at that time of night.
Runners Up:Grace,So Real,Hallelujah
The first time I heard of Jeff Buckley, I gave him a chance, probably not a big one and didn’t like what I heard and so I moved on.  The second time was watching Rockstar Supernova and singer Patrice Pike sang a cover of “Eternal Life”.  I decided to give him one more chance, plus I happened to recall that Chris Cornell knew him.  In fact, they had become friends and Chris Cornell’s Euphoria Morning’s sound was inspired by “Grace”.  I listened to the album in total darkness in my room and was totally entranced by the album.  I’ll be honest, I love the whole album.  What I love the most about Jeff, aside from his unmeasureable vocal range, was that he took the time and energy to command his audience and give back what he got from music.

sometimes..

You know, sometimes, it’s just a daily struggle to distract myself from my gender dysphoria.

Update

I have now realized on my path to becoming a better me, I have to make peace with my past meaning I have to tell people how I feel and accept the results.  So, Kev and Stac, here I come soon.